Dark clouds under me

Dear Father,

What is wrong with me? I am feeling uncertain again, depression just strikes me without a reason. I wished things were simple, but it gets difficult as time goes on.

Well, that's life.

When you draw close to someone, you're stepping away from another.

When you try so hard not to break just because you don't want to affect others.

When you try so hard to smile just because you don't want others to be concerned.

Sometimes, I feel broken,

Sometimes I find it hard to breath,

Sometimes I feel like I am not moving anywhere..

While others?

They move on so fast that it hits my mind,

" What am I exactly doing? "

I am not sure about myself, I don't really know myself. I wonder what my future holds for me, will it be better? Or will it be the same? Or will I just fade, like colours painted on walls?

I am desperate.

Desperate to stand tall and not fall.

Desperate to reach out and not seek out.

Desperate to be moved and not to be removed.

I certainly don't feel like myself right now, maybe I am just tired.

Morpheus [ Part 2 ]

[ Morpheus ( 2 ) ]

The sudden rush of fear just rips me apart from my skin, to my flesh. I was literally losing my mind, insanity strikes me. I wasn’t sure where I was running, wasn’t sure where to go, I just ran aimlessly, without a direction. Till someone caught hold of me from the back and jab me with a shot, I begin to feel relief, tired… and I fainted.

“ Where am I? ” I whispered.

“ Doctor, he is awake! ” the nurse shouted.

I wasn't sure what was the Doctor doing, checking my eyes, checking the machine beside me, checking this, checking that and whatever he could check.

“ Boy, you’re going to be alright ” he said with a smile.

“ Doctor... what happened? ” I said.

“ God saved you, be thankful boy! ” he replied.

Few seconds later, he walked outside and had a talk with an elderly couple. They were staring at me in joy and happiness, I could tell from their expression. I wasn't exactly sure what happened, all I could recall was… I fell.

I was so weak that I couldn't really move any of my body part; I just lay on the bed, motionless and that was just it. The next day I was woken up by the birds singing outside of the window and I still feel so weak and numb. The nurse came in

“ Rise and shine Dimitri, it’s another new day ” she said, with a smile.

“ So that is my name huh? Dimitri? ” I said. The nurse stood there for a second and walked towards the window and pulled the curtains up.

It was so bright that I hardly even bother to look outside of the window. Sun? I didn’t like it, never did but I kept quiet.

“ The Doctor will be meeting you shortly; in the meantime why not have your breakfast? ”

I looked somewhere else and kept quiet.

================================================================

" I was in bad way, couldn't pull myself out. Inside, I knew I was somebody else and I didn't believe that anyone would hear me. "

( to be continued )

Blog Revamped!

Yeeep, totally revamped my blog. Blue theme <3

I would like to thank Evelyn Tan for making this beautiful blog banner for me :)

Hope you're doing fine in Australia, and keep up with your passion for art!

Do checkout her blog,

http://www.twenty-onezero.blogspot.com/

She draw cool stuffs too!
http://e-tane.deviantart.com/

A New Chapter

Today, marks another memory.

Where I step into a person's life,

Where someone step's into my life.

Chervie Poon <3

I will try my best to

be the one to hold your hand

and never letting you go.

I want to be the one that you can really be comfortable with.

The one who makes you smile every morning when you wake up

and still smiling when you go to bed.

I want to be,

The one you can place your trust on,

The one you can believe in,

The one that you can count on

when you're at the edge of falling.

Because I will stand with you,

and pull you up when you fall.

I want to be with you in every way,

to make you stay.

I will go as far as it takes,

to bind our bond and keep us strong.

Because I am afraid of losing you.

Glad that you exist,

Glad that I get to know you,

Glad that I am yours,

Glad that you're mine,

Because my universe will never be the same.

<3

I am finally 18 =)

Yosh! I am not officially back to blogging yet, but I would like to jot down part of my memories here. I am finally eighteen and today was a blast! I can't stop thanking everyone, especially my university friends for making my 18th birthday, an unforgettable day. First, I would like to say,

Thank You Lord, for everything,

for my family & friends,

Thank You.

Words can't describe how I am feeling right now. However, I shall try to explain the whole event :)

I got a piece of cake from a friend,

Sang birthday song,

And a whole bunch of friends suddenly came in the class,

Started talking and laughing and chilling,

A few more friends came in with a cake and sang birthday song.

I made a wish and blew the candles.

Got my face smashed into the cake, lols.

Ended up playing with the cake.

Lovely, fun and crazy.

Geez, I can't describe the whole event. Let me say thanks again.

============================================================

Thank you dad and mum,

for raising me,

with love, hope and care.

I love you.

Thank you sis,

for the cake.

Although you're quick tempered, you still rock.

Thank you friend,

for buying the cake,

You have helped me a lot,

I admire your personality and character,

You earn my highest respect.

Thank you friend,

for being the first to call me and wish me,

for choosing the heart-shaped cake,

and wrote " Happy Birthday Monkey "

instead of " Happy Birthday Jason "

Ahahaha, funny shit.

Thank you for the necklace and the small cards.

I bet you really put in a lot of time and effort on those cards.

I really like it <3

and I am really glad that I get to know you.

Thank you friend,

for the pencil box,

I know, my current one got holes on it XD

But yea, it's about time I change it.

Thank you friend,

for sending me a letter from Australia.

Nice origami you made for me.

Nice two pages of meaningful crap.

And indeed, it will be in my box of memories.

No worries.

Thank you friend,

for the heart-shaped art,

made out of straw.

I got nothing against you,

I am sorry if I did anything that have offended you.

Forgive me.

Thank you friends,

for all the wishes,

for all of your support,

for all that you have done,

for all the time we have shared.

The time we spent,

I will cherish it,

The things we do,

I will remember it.

=)

The most awesome gift I have is the value of friends more than any other presents.

============================================================

I am not going to be posting here anymore, I'm sorry. I've lost all my motivation and interest for my blog. There's so many things I wish to do, but I have not done much nor do I have time for everything. Somehow, I'll make it through.

Morpheus [ Part 1 ]

[ Morpheus ( 1 ) ]

It was a normal Saturday for Karsh, the same nightmare. " Oh dear, Karsh! " gasped his dad. " What have happened to you? " Standing by the doorway to his room, pale and frighten, the young boy wore the look of one who had just been through unspeakable horror. He stood there silently looking down at his feet, tears begin to flow. " Daddy, I am afraid. It's the same nightmare again. "

I was twelve that time and the same old nightmare still haunts me till now. What seems to be motionless black clouds, pile of bricks and rocks everywhere, buildings destroyed… The sick feeling I get when I am in that godforsaken place, lost in another world behind the sunshine.

I am Karsh Demitri, an ordinary teenager with ordinary desire and needs. Back when I was twelve, I was given a second chance to live if it wasn't for a car who rammed me and got me into a comma. Well to be honest, I am not even sure if it's a car or something else. At exactly 12.33a.m, 20 August 2005, I was pronounced dead. Six hours later, I woke up in a morgue, cold, and blank. Everything seems to be misty and confusion sparks me, I can't remember what exactly happened to me. Ever since then, everything changed..

================================================================

" We dream of hope, we dream of change. Of fire, of love, of death. And then it happens, the dream becomes real. "

( to be continued )

Does honesty pay?

First of all, how can a male be honest if he had sexual intercourse with his best friend's girlfriend?! LOL.

Okay, ignore that statement that I have made above.

So, you're asking a guy who strictly apply radical honesty in life, a guy who is brutally straightforward, a guy who can kill people with his honesty. -_-

and what is his answer? Honesty does pay.

Yes, I practice radical honesty in life. What is radical honest? A kind of communication that is direct, open and expressive. Not saying that I don't lie here, because sometimes lying is the only way. ( Sometimes, I am pretty darn mean and sarcastic. ) I have to admit that I do lie during desperate attempts and what is the consequences? I ended up with bullet holes on my body. That's the fact. I am not talking about a gun pointing towards you when you lie, it's just that.. you will be deeply engulfed in guilt. Hence, I choose to admit to my mum that I ate some cookies in the cookie jar :)

Anyhow, there's pros and cons for being honest. For example, guy A would forgive guy B for telling guy A the truth... Or guy A will never befriend with guy B again. Confusing?

Here is how it works, when a person lies.. it goes deeper and deeper as time passes. In other words, you will keep on lying until a point where you can't stop nor settle the matter. You will just go on lying and lying until you lose everything. So, the conclusion is.. be honest, be honest to yourself, your family and friends and everyone :)

( God, my english is degrading =O )

Cheers,

Jason.

Starlight Memories

Wrote this like an hour ago, dedicated to a short hair girl who is strong in every aspect including her heart. This lyric or poem describes an after effect of a young boy who literally changed because of a girl, a boy who only depends on a girl as his primary source of strength, a boy who has been very positive with a girl because he has fallen for her so deeply that he didn't even realize it.

=============================================

Starlight Memories

Holding a bottle of whisky on my hand,

Lying down on an open field,

Trying to count a sky full of stars,

I wish, you're here with me,

I picture you beside me,

But its all illusive.

Oh boy, what are you going to do with your life?

Oh boy, what are you going to do with your life?

The world won't be waiting,

As the time keeps on ticking,

The world will be dimmering,

As the past is always haunting.

Is it wrong to want reward?

Is it wrong to be driven by desire?

Is it wrong to dream of the impossibles?

So you want to set things right,

So you want to set your head staight,

Relying on your tainted doubts,

Relying on your fading dreams.

Oh boy, what are you going to do with your life?

Oh boy, what are you going to do with your life?

The world won't be waiting,

As the time keeps on ticking,

The world will be dimmering,

As the past is always haunting.

Wishing on the glimmering stars,

I should get back up on my feet again.

Holding memories that I will never let go.

Because it is imprinted deep down on my heart

=============================================

I am cool kay? I will go on supporting whatever you do, as long as you don't suicide or do drugs or any other silly stuff that can risk your life. Make sure you get enough rest, study hard too kay? Heh.

I have immortalize part of my memories here.

Cheers,

Jason.

Life?

Everything that is stated here is based on my own opinion. I am not a doctor, not a professor, not a PHD holder nor am I having a mental disorder. First of all, I wouldn't dare to say that I totally understand life because I don't. Well , basically no one can understand life better than God. However, if it's my opinion.. I am gonna say that life is like a puzzle. For example, we always wear a pair of socks and not just one sock. Make sense? No? Yes? ( I might jumbled up a lot of things here )

Life is like a cycle of events, one event leads to another event.

A chain reaction.

It's overwhelming, full of surprises and emotions.

Sometimes we fall and get back up,

Sometimes we just don't

Sometimes we take a long time to get back up,

and

Sometimes we don't even realize that we're standing tall.

In life, there are things that you can't get no matter how hard you try. Divine happiness doesn't exist in life, there are ups and downs. You just live it, face it and accept the fact that you will cry, get angry, all depressed, all joyfully and other emotions that I have not stated here.

Patience and optimism are the key in life, practicing it is a problem. Endurance is part of it. In life, we gotta forgive ourselves in order to move on, learning from the past and not repeating it again.

There are always sacrifices and decisions. No matter how hard the decisions are, that's life. Life is not always bright and colorful, sometimes life is dark and dull. God is always testing and observing us. It's funny how I choose to deny God but a part of me still have faith in Him. What am I feeling right now? Mixed emotions. I pray for a better life, and that's it. I just need stronger will on the things that I am doing. Oh yea, there's no perfection in life. No one is perfect.

Cheers.

Jason.

My first working experience - Club Med Cherating

First of all, mind my slow updates. Yes, I am talking about Club Med. I have worked there for a month on part time basis. Now, where is Club Med Cherating? It is located about 47 km north of Kuantan. I consider myself very lucky to be able to work in Club Med right after I finish my secondary school examination.

Club Med staff are known as " G.Os " which stands for Gracious Organizers and the guests are known as " G.Ms " which... I forgotten what it stands for.

( Just to make things clear as I might use short forms )

Club Med is considered as an all inclusive resort which means, once you enter Club Med.. everything is free! Yes, absolutely free.

What's my job? I am a professional babysitter who babysit kids aged between 4 to 10 years old. Hard to believe eh? I am serious, I am a babysitter, my job is a babysitter. ( I am 18 years old for your information. )

This is the place where I work, the Mini Club. A place for kids to hangout at 9a.m before we do our daily activities.

So what do we, the Mini Club G.Os do with the kids daily? We do archery, golf, trapeze, swimming and sailing following by special event which changes daily. What is special event? It's an event which changes everyday ranging from kite making, tie dye, olympic games and many more.

What is so unique about Club Med is that it is a family village. We, the G.Os must dine, play, dance and drink together with the G.Ms everyday. At night, the G.Os will form a human train to gather guests to dance which is known as the crazy signs. Moreover, there is night show held in the theater which changes daily. All of the shows are acted out by G.Os. In addition, the evening dress code changes everyday ranging from all white, all black, elegant, asian, pirate, safari, etc.

This is the boutique, it offers variety of clothes ranging from different evening dress code.

This is the beach! :D

The amazing utterly beautiful night view *_*

Random shots heh.

and now, my co-workers! :D

( Above : Mickey, Me, My manager Joyce & Velda )

( Above : Tibo, Jake & Me )

( Above : Erick, Me and Sam )

( Above : Carol~! )

( Above : Megan & Me )

( Above : Chinese New Year Eve )

Overall, it is a unforgettable experience. I would like to thank the bar team for the beer Oops, major typo.

I would like to thank everyone for guiding me throughout my work, for the fun times we have shared and last but not least for making me a good future husband LOL.

Cheers,

Jason.

I am back =)

Hellooooo humans! I am back to blogging. How long has it been? Four months? Heh, what have I been doing? Lots of crazy stuff. Let's see... I finished my SPM examination, fulfilled some of my wishlist, finished my part time job and etc etc.

Regarding my wishlist?

Tadaaaaaa~! My Christmas present from my mum, I am pleased with it. Thanks mum! Love my lappy's performance. I have also done some shopping too, got my hoodie and my red shirt. :)

Oh yea, my hair is FLAT because I don't wanna damage my hair by using hairspray almost.. everyday.

What I did after my SPM examination?

Spent my time learning my new lappy. Besides that I have also downgraded my psp. Hence, more games eating away my time. I am half way done with my driving lessons, because I went for part time work. I am absolutely happy with my part time work, totally worth it.

Hence, my next post will be" My first working experience - Club Med Cherating. "

Immediate hiatus

Title says it all.
I am sorry guys but I am going on a break. I have no idea when I'll come back. Hopefully around 3 months? Or less.. or maybe more, depending on the situation.


" To run a great distance, I must leave everything behind "

==========
Wish List
==========

* Lappy.

* DS cam.

* Shopping. ( I need my red fedora hat and a red shirt and a hoodie )

* Iron Man Headphone. ( Yes, it's smexy. )

* Devaintart account. ( I am holding this first )

* Twitter account. ( On hold too )

* Downgrade my psp.

* Fulfilling my Left 4 Dead, online games crave.

* A new crazy ass hairstyle. ( I am done with my burning hairstyle )

So much to do, so little time to fulfill OTL


Cheers,
Jason.

Madness in a week

So, wazzup?! I know, my blog is kinda dead. Sorry for not updating it, I am rather busy.. I think.
Anyway, I am gonna blog about what happened this week or was it last week? Geez, my brain ain't working properly. Few days ago, there's this sushi king promotion going on, RM 2 for any rice based sushi if you have the member card. So I decided to go with my schoolmates, Vince and Dixon and then King joined us. Here's some pic I took during our sushi madness.




Well, let's not talk about how many plates we manage to stack :)
It was a three days promotion, dirt cheap sushi and indeed awesome crowd. I have also gotten my NIE magazine prize which I have joined since..... two months ago? The prize? Three Regular Pizza and One Personal Pan Pizza. Of course, I gotta divide the voucher among my group members.


And lastly, Miss Evelyn wrote me a letter few days ago and ya know what? She starts of her letter with " Dear Grandfather and his next door neighbour " Yep, I am a grandpa and I am old. -_-


Why letter and not email? Let's just say that I got too bored with emails. :)

Till then,
Cheers!~

High on drugs

*Breathe in, breathe out*

Firstly, I would like to say that I was sick for the past few days and guess what? My trial is ongoing. Fever, fever in a blink of an eye, like a hurricane it comes and goes. Taking away my time and causing me to rest. The result is.... I might get B for Math cause of my damn darn fever. Yes, I am blaming my damn darn fever. It made me sleep.
Hold on, be strong Jason! Be strong and hard... Sound's wrong I know. -_-

I wish... I was a part time director, random much. I am about to release the stress/hyper/crazy mode. =D

============================================

" Senior Citizen Ninja Mutant Turtles! " By Jason Lai

This story revolves around a 63 years old man who lives a quiet life. He soon found out about the power of bra by covering his eyes with it. He felt the energy flowing, he felt like a young man. Not to mention the amount of hornyness rushing through the bloodstream. He then told Wilson about the awesome power. Wilson is his gay partner I mean... his old pal since young!

" Whaaaat?! You gotta BE KIDDING ME. Let me just stand far away from you before you wear it. " shouted Wilson with that shocked yet confused face.

" I can't stand looking at you " Wilson shouted. As far as eye can see, he saw an old man wearing a G-string pretending to be a ninja with that bra covering his eyes.

" Honesty is what I ask from you. Because I can't live with lies. I just want you to tell me the truth. Because I know, I can count on you. " replied by that old man with a soft yet girlish tone.

" Cuuuuuuut! "
*might not be continued*

============================================

This stunning creation was a spontaneous imagination of Jason. Brain malfunction. Sorry, I am not a pervert LOL. I am just being random. My brain needs a rest from this poor hectic life of mine.

============================================

" I wish I was someone special. Someone really special, to give you a new life, to take away all your pain, just like an angel. " I whispered softly to her ear. " I am deaf, can you do hand signs? " she replied.

Those words, those sentences, crushed my heart like a seven thousand kiloton of rocks.

And so, I did some hand motion and signs. She called me a clown.
I said I was serious but she said I was funny.
I said I really mean it but she said " yeaaa... right "
I told myself. " Aint she deaf? "
She said, pranked.

============================================

If you're still reading this. You should be studying or doing something more important that reading this crap because I am gonna end it here. :)

Bye Humans,
Meowahahaha!
Moowahahaha!
Quackahahaha!
Animals makes humans perfect, because of them bone chewing exist. =)

I am gonna gain weight :(

Howdy! I cant use this baby for long because she likes to " merajuk " and when she does that... it blinks. Geez, like those pms mood swing thingy ya know?
I am talking about my computer yo. She's half ill, half dead. In order for her to work properly, I gotta whack it hard babe.
But I won't whack my wife ( if I ever have one ) nor would I whack girls up because... mum said " Boy boy, if you whack girls up.. you're going to HELL " :)

Back to the topic. SIGH, I am gonna gain weight. Why? I stocked up on my snacks for this three weeks life threatening battle which is my SPM trial :(




Sugar much, I know. When it comes to studying to the epic-ness, food is my best friend especially sweets, sour frenzy. If you're having the same habit as me, I recommend you to try the Wasabi Green Peas. It will certainly kill your sleepiness like... Woah!

Recently, my whole family went to Penang without me. Cause I didn't want to go with the excuse " I wanna study :) " ended up procrastinating and lepak-ing.
Anyway mum bought me this cool rice art thingy?


My name is on THAT teeny-weeny rice.
The conclusion is, " Jason, stop abusing this poor computer and go study! "
Yep, thanks for reminding.
Bye! :D

Dear God,
Here's my wish.
( I wish to eat without gaining weight? )

Mid Valley Hat Trick

Yep, I went to Mid Valley three times without fail. Well, first outing was rather odd and just plain weird. Let me recall everyone's name ( memory challenge for me ) Hopefully, I never miss out anyone =X
Hmm, Mr.William, Hindra, Roshi, Yi May, Jia Yi, Sook June, Suk Teen, Elisha and me?

The outing was amazing, I lol-ed the first time I saw Hindra. He was eating..... wasabi? Like what the hell? Ugh, we watched Step Up 3D without 3D lol.


One word. Awesome! If you like dancing, you really really SHOULD watch this. It features several dancing style such as popping, locking, shuffle and many many more. Several earlier So You Think You Can Dance finalists also appear in supporting parts, including Joshua Allen winner of the Season 4 competition and Stephen " twitch " Boss second place for Season 4.
Lawl, just watch it-lah. Rating 8.4 out of 10

Special thanks to Mr.William for " ajak-ing " me to this outing, glad to make new friends.
Nice knowing you guys too! ( I am disappointed that someone is missing T_T )

=================================================

Second outing was with my sis, she just got back from Singapore. Ate in Carl's Jr, the burger is absolutely fantastic and huge too. " She'll tell you size doesn't matter. She's lying " remember that :)

=================================================

Third outing was with my schoolmates, like finally? A successful last minute planned outing. We watched Vampire Suck.


The title is a good indication of where the level of suckish-ness lies. Yes, it's a stupid movie. But in my opinion, it's still funny. What are you people expecting? It's a spoof movie, it's suppose to be stupid, lame and retard. Hohoho, Edward is shiny with his.. Lmao. Lameness to the max, seriously. Overall rating 6.2 out of 10

After the movie, we walked around Gardens and I finally got my long craving headphone. EarPollution DJ Style, Billionaire.




It's sexy, pretty and shiny. Love the sound too, especially the bass. Comfortable indeed, worth the price. RM100 Lawl.
I no longer need to " steal " my sis's headphone anymore. Her's is EarPollution DJ Style, Hustle.


That's me with my sis's property, hehe.
And last but not least, dammit! I am suppose to be studying and I am here blogging. Trial is like in another 12days? Therefore, I shall hammer my modem soon... I guess?
History love me more please :(

Peace out~!

Proper manners doesn't even cost a single penny

Everyday we interact with others especially friends and family. But, how often do we actually hear

1. Thank you
2. I am sorry
3. Please.

Why is it hard to say Thank you, I am sorry and Please?

It costs nothing to say " Thank you " when someone have helped us, it tells a lot about one. We can even tell a lot about people's religion by the way they thank the Creator. Might sound weird coming from me.. but here goes nothing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, " Jesus, Master, have pity on us! "

When he saw them, he said " Go show yourselves to the priests. " And as they went, they were cleansed. One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him. And he was a Samaritan.

Jesus asked, " Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner? " Then he said to him, " Rise and go, your faith has made you well " - ( Luke 17 : 11-19 )

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I notice some Malaysian who are bloody darn rude when asking for things or at wrong.

*running out of idea*

To cut it short
It costs nothing to say "I am sorry" when we have inconvenienced someone or when we accidentally hurt/harm someone. It also costs nothing to say " Please "

If we all do our part, this world will surely be a better place filled with kind and humble people.
Besides, proper manners doesn't even cost a single penny. :)

Love,
Jason.

It's all about cars. Vroom Vrooom!

Yesterday I tried the new Mcdonold GCB burger with my mum. Tasty sial!
Grilled whole thigh, Gorgeous iceberg lettuce, Glorious char-grilled sauce. Satisfying indeed.
After our lunch we somehow bump into a fiesta? But I wasn't into the fiesta.... I was admiring those freaking modified cars =O

























I don't really fancy cars, just that I like to " tengok tengok ". Especially those cars that are modified to the max. Damn man, look at the amount of money spent on those cars, I rather spend it on my gf ( if I ever have one ) or something else Opps, let me just rephrase that.. The amount of money spent on those cars are certainly worth it IF you're really crazy over cars. Good job to those who participate in the car showcase.

Signing off,
Jason.